||[Jul. 28th, 2005|05:40 pm]
so i weighed this morning and i had lost 1 1/2 kilos!!!!!!!!!
but you know WHATTTTTT
I BINGED LIKE CRAZY TODAY
I PROB HAD BAOUT 1000CALS BAHHHHHHHHHHH
i am fasting tommorow to make up for it
#### i hate myself
i just want to stab me to death
a guy from school today was sitting next to me in maths and then all of a sudden he grabbed my left arm and lifted up my jumper. there, were my scars from cutting. he started to rub them and touch them and i was so shocked i couldnt even move i just stared at him.....nobody except my boyfriend ever touches my cuts like that.....
he asks "how long have u been doing those for"
i say ".....about 4 years..why?"
and hes like "thats fascinating...im starting" and shows me 3 little lines on his left arm
i say to him "why? its bad...dont start. how did u know about my cuts? my jumper was down.."
he says "eveyrone knows....everyone knows how long its been going for too."
WHAT ELSE DOES EVERYONE KNOW?
##### SAKE, WHY DOES EVERYONE ##### ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK?
I KNEW IT
I KNEW IT
THATS WHY EVERYONE IS ALWAYS LOOKING AT ME
EVERONE IS ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT ME
I HATE IT I HATE IT
I AM NOT SOMETHING TO LAUGH AT
I AM NOT SOMETHING TO LOOK AT
I HATE MYSELF
STOP LOOKING AT ME AND TALKING ABOUT ME AND LEAVE ME ALONE LIKE I AM WHEN I SIT DOWN ALL BY MYSELF AT SCHOOL
I HATE EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!